Keeping it Together
September 24, 2008 | Leave a Comment
By David Rice M.A., M.A. L.P.C.
driceonline@yahoo.com
I grew up in a time when men and women had distinct roles. The main function for mom was to take care of the home, raise the children, and care for her husband. Not many women
were in the workforce, and those that worked frequently did it for a little extra to supplement things at home. In return, men were to work hard, sometimes two or more jobs, to supply the income to provide for the family. When a man reached 65, he retired with a watch or a plaque and drove his wife crazy until he died of boredom a couple of years later. We knew what was expected of us, and we tried to fulfill our roles. When it came to sex, we just didn’t do it before marriage because we may be making a baby. If a pregnancy happened, then a marriage was sure to follow. During my lifetime, things have changed dramatically. These days, a woman is supposed to plan for a career other than raising children. If children came along, they are now often cared for by nannies, babysitting, or grandparents. We get locked into commitments of having to work, because easy credit has encouraged us to buy what we really can’t afford, based on two incomes. Instead of marriage, we are encouraged to live with someone first, and then if we feel o.k. about them, we may or may not get married. Children are growing up raised by strangers, and we look at them when they get older and don’t understand why they turned out the way they did. I have a radical suggestion. Let’s go back to the days of living within our means, living on one income, and raising our own children. I’m sure we can make the world a better place by putting first things first.
See you next week.
Keeping it Together
September 10, 2008 | Leave a Comment
By David Rice M.A., M.A. L.P.C.
driceonline@yahoo.com
Back in the day, before air travel existed and the rail system was not in place, we did a lot of transcontinental shipping and traveling via the stagecoach. As you can guess, the roads traveled were rough and oft times barely passable, but these brave stagecoach drivers made the journey regularly. The owner of a stage company needed a driver, and decided to interview people for the job. The first person said, “I’m so good that I can come within a foot of a cliff and never lose control of my coach.’’ The owner was impressed and continued his interviews. The next person said “I’m so good that I can come within six inches of that cliff and never falter. The coach will make it through safely.’’ The owner went into the next interview and wondered how anyone could top the first two claims. The next interviewee was asked about this and he replied “I don’t know how close I could come to the edge of a cliff. When l’m driving, I stay as far away from that edge as possible.’’ Who do you think got the job?
As we go through our lives, we are offered the chance to come close to the edge. When we step over the edge in a relationship, we risk losing that which is most important to us. Yet we are tantalized by the thoughts that “I can come this close,’’ or “what’s the harm, it’s just having a cup of coffee together.’’ When opportunities arise that peak our curiosity, we need to look beyond our immediate needs. This happens a great deal with pornography. You may get online thinking it’s no big deal, but to your loved one, it’s a big deal. Don’t get too close to the cliff and spoil your life and the lives of others.
See you next week
Keeping it Together
September 3, 2008 | Leave a Comment
By David Rice M.A., M.A. L.P.C.
driceonline@yahoo.com
Let’s talk about keeping it together. A reader wrote to me this week, “some days are harder then others depending on the circumstances. As a mother l keep it together for my kids because I know I am their first role model. My actions will affect them and inspire them. As a wife I keep
it together for my husband. I show him love, care, patience, respect and forgiveness. I do this because 1 love him and want to be treated the same way in return. And finally I keep it together as a woman for myself. I am proud to be a woman with all the many roles we play. The one thing I do give myself is respect. 1 do this by exercising my body and educating my mind. Without these things, I don’t think that I could be the person that I am today.’’ This led me to consider all the roles we play in our lives. She is trying to stay balanced and focused on those things that are important to her in her life. We need to care for our loved ones, and we need our jobs, and we need to pay the bills, etc. We also need to do something special for ourselves to keep balanced.
We get overwhelmed with work and other responsibilities and forget to take care of ourselves.
Some people know how to meditate, some go to the occasional spa getaway, and some go hunting. Whatever it is, it needs to take us away from our usual routine and keeps us sane. I like to get up early in the morning and read the Bible. Just a few minutes a day helps me to put life into perspective. It works for me, and I would encourage you to find what works for you.
See you next week.
Keeping it Together
August 28, 2008 | Leave a Comment
By David Rice M.A., M.A. L.P.C.
driceonline@yahoo.com
How do we know if we are in a healthy relationship? Being in a healthy relationship means first, loving and taking care of you, before, and while in a relationship. If your focus is on the other person and you neglect yourself, this is not healthy. Likewise, if you ignore the other person and care only for yourself, it is unhealthy too.
Why the focus on you? Isn’t this selfish? When taken to extremes, it can be very selfish. Taking care of yourself means that you keep yourself healthy, both physically and emotionally. Part of a relationship means some sacrifice for the greater good, but sacrificing your needs entirely for another person gets old real fast.
Next, being in a healthy relationship means respecting individuality, embracing differences, and allowing each person to be themselves. If you feel pressured to change to meet someone else’s expectations, you are not in a healthy relationship.
If you feel that you need to be critical of your partner or change him or her, this is not healthy.
When we enter relationships, we need to understand that changing your partner is generally not a good option. lf you want to rescue someone, then do it, but don’t try to change them once you are entangled with them. it’s not fair to them and it’s not healthy for you.
Why not look for someone who has the qualities you are looking for? Don’t look at a potential mate and say to yourself, “I could really love him/her if he/she would lose 20 lbs.’’ Don’t count on you wife or husband staying the some shape after years together. Make sure the one you’ve got is really the one you want. If not, then keep looking until you’re happy.
I’m out of space, so I’ll continue this later.
See you next week
Keeping it Together
July 30, 2008 | Leave a Comment
