Keeping it Together
August 28, 2008
By David Rice M.A., M.A. L.P.C.
driceonline@yahoo.com
How do we know if we are in a healthy relationship? Being in a healthy relationship means first, loving and taking care of you, before, and while in a relationship. If your focus is on the other person and you neglect yourself, this is not healthy. Likewise, if you ignore the other person and care only for yourself, it is unhealthy too.
Why the focus on you? Isn’t this selfish? When taken to extremes, it can be very selfish. Taking care of yourself means that you keep yourself healthy, both physically and emotionally. Part of a relationship means some sacrifice for the greater good, but sacrificing your needs entirely for another person gets old real fast.
Next, being in a healthy relationship means respecting individuality, embracing differences, and allowing each person to be themselves. If you feel pressured to change to meet someone else’s expectations, you are not in a healthy relationship.
If you feel that you need to be critical of your partner or change him or her, this is not healthy.
When we enter relationships, we need to understand that changing your partner is generally not a good option. lf you want to rescue someone, then do it, but don’t try to change them once you are entangled with them. it’s not fair to them and it’s not healthy for you.
Why not look for someone who has the qualities you are looking for? Don’t look at a potential mate and say to yourself, “I could really love him/her if he/she would lose 20 lbs.’’ Don’t count on you wife or husband staying the some shape after years together. Make sure the one you’ve got is really the one you want. If not, then keep looking until you’re happy.
I’m out of space, so I’ll continue this later.
See you next week
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